Living it up in Southern Maine

Portland —

Here's what my wife says when people ask her whether gays should be able to marry: "Good luck to 'em!"

Indeed. The divorce rate among straight couples in this country in their first marriage is around 40 percent. In second marriages the likelihood of divorce increases to about 60 percent. Think the third time's a charm? Only if you're a divorce lawyer. The rate for failed third marriages exceeds 70 percent.

Couples don't split because they believe they're happier than they have a right to be. When a friend of mine was served with divorce papers, the first thing his lawyer asked him was whether he was having an affair. When he said he was not, the lawyer asked him who his wife was seeing. "No one," my friend said. "Well," said the lawyer, "I'll be damned!"

In recent times the question of whether the state ought to recognize same-sex marriage seems to come and go with the tide. The tide has also washed a ton of money from out-of-staters opposed to gay marriage.

It's no surprise that money from away is weighing in on the issue, because I don't think there's much money in Maine worried about who marries whom. Truth is, if you can pay the cable bill with enough left over for a half gallon of Popov or a jug of Allen's Coffee Brandy I don't know how much better it can get.

Although in our time we have seen Maine evolve (some would say regress) from red state to blue, it strikes me that Mainers have always had a libertarian streak. As far back as 1986, a ballot question to make it illegal to sell pornography in Maine went down to defeat by a 3:1 margin despite an aggressive campaign by the Maine Christian Civic League. I remember it well because I was running in a state house primary in Wells, which was solidly Republican, and was worried that opposing the question would cost me support. (It did not. No one cared where I stood on the pornography question. In fact, no one seemed too concerned where I stood on anything. But that's another story.)

According to the most recent Census, 13 out of every 1,000 men in this state is divorced. That's verging on half again the national average of 9.2 divorces per 1,000 men and represents the second highest divorce rate in the United States, behind Arkansas. (Wait until Bob Marley finds that out.) Perhaps if the civic league had it to do over again it would have gotten behind a one man, one marriage act.

The appropriate question isn't whether gays should marry, but rather, what can they do to belittle the institution that straight folks haven't already done?